Newark Stories.....

I cannot believe I am actually in New York. I booked the ticket for this trip a year ago, and really didn't think the time would ever come. But now, here I am, sitting in a gorgeous little apartment in Queens, hanging with a very cool couple who have a very cool cat.

I don't plan to write a lot while I am away, simply because I want to experience the place as much as I can, and, probably because of the company I've been keeping lately, I realize the irony of trying to escape on some exotic adventure and then finding that I spend most of it tied to a computer, talking to my friends.

So - for this - day two of my New York adventure, I will just share the small epiphany I had this evening while sitting in a little italian diner eating chorizo and jalepeno pizza sprinkled with oregano and garlic (a practice I am going to continue as it is friggin' delicious).

My idea was to have an adventure that would shake my routine, put me completely outside my comfort zone, and force me to stay focused and rely on myself to navigate the journey. Well, I've definitely gotten that. In fact, earlier today, in Penn Station, I nearly gave up, wanting desperately to throw myself in a limb-flailing, crying heap in the middle of the busy corridors.

I got in to Newark late last night, and - I don't recommend this - maneuvered myself and my luggage to the 'hotel rental' board, scanning it for the cheapest hotel available. Calling them, I managed to secure a room, and get instructions for getting from teh terminal to the shuttle area. It was about 10 minutes of the guy going 'take the monorail to peefoh' - ummmmm where? 'peefoh, peefoh' - ummmmm I'm sorry what are you saying? 'peefoh. take the train to 'peefoh'- ummmm, really, I don't......ummmmm....(panic rising) could you spell that for me? 'P as in Parking'.....OOOOHHHHH P4!!! You want me to go to Parking area 4.....whew. okay. I get it. Christ. (no - not said to him) Okay - so I figure out the train and find P4. My shuttle is there and the driver is sleeping. Me, ever so polite, finding a 'red coat' customer service agent and saying 'ummmmm - if he's sleeping can I just like, knock on the window?' 'HELL yeah' she says, proceeding to pound on the window of the van for me while the rest of the taxi line watches in interest.

Okay - slightly embarrassing but - now in the shuttle - no seatbelts - shooting at 100 mph down the highway; driving way further than I thought we were going. Past porn shops and hard core industrial areas....stopping at a dingy travel lodge in the heart of scaryland new jersey.

But it's cheap - so I'm happy. Until the next morning, when I realize the clock in the room is wrong and I've missed the airport shuttle. The guy says sorry no more shuttles and basically isn't going to do anything about it, so we have to have a discussion, because his wife had promised a shuttle at noon and now they say the last one was at 11. Eventually I convince him I need to go, and that it is not a good idea for me to spend another night at a rundown Travel Lodge in Union.

The driver they give me is the angriest guy in the universe. He hurls my luggage in the back and is screaming the whole way about how much he hates the owner of the lodge and how he came to his dad's funeral when he didn't want him there - all the while punching the horn and swearing at all the other drivers on the road. I am literally hanging on to the seat with both hands, hoping desperartely that i can keep myself from becoming a projectile should we careen off the road or into another vehicle (the only other time I was that scared was on a bus in Thailand where the driver popped a bunch of blue pills before getting behind the wheel on an overnight run).

By the end of this run though, I've got him talking about maple syrup farmers that he knows in Canada. A family, three kids, 'Rainbow' Farm. Maybe you know them?

Anyway - my next challenge is to get the train from Newark to Penn Station, where I am going to transfer to another rail line to get to Woodside, where I am staying. The first train is awkward because my stupid bloody suitcases don't fit down the aisles, and I freak out once, thinking I've gotten the wrong train. Two young girls giggle at me the rest of the way. When I arrive at Penn Station - I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the size of it.

I walk in circles a couple of times and finally go to customer service, where, while I am waiting, this crazy cart woman decides she likes a button I am wearing, and suddenly attaches herself to my coat. So she's on top of me, crowing about the Beatles and the Monkees, and I am standing there meekly, sweating through my wool pea coat, unable to find a way to extricate myself from the situation. Someone else in line saves me by distracting the crazy cart woman. Okay, whew. Another crisis averted.

I'm soooooo hot. I'm at the wrong customer service agent - so I've got to lug my luggage (aha - now I see why they call it that) around to the other end of the station - me running around with neon blue, green, and pink bags - no I am totally not a target. After running up and down several track entrances (well, weaving actually, by this point. The luggage is so heavy, the coat is so hot), I finally find the right train for the Woodside connection. I get on without incident, and ride into Queens.

Off the platform, two cabbies see me exit the elevator and actually get into a fistfight over who will take me in his cab. They are screaming at each other and punching the hoods of the cars.....It's a little frightening, but it's okay. I'm close. So close.

And now I am here. I am sitting, warm and cozy, on the couch with a laptop, writing this little story for you. A little string of white christmas lights illuminates the room. Earlier, I took a walk down Skillman and stopped at the Pizzeria, where I sat listening to oldies on the sound system, eating my glorious pizza, and watching all the people come and go. And i realized that I am soooooo happy. And I wondered why, when so much went so wrong, and I was stressed to the point of breaking, would I still decide this day had been an extraordinary experience?

And - yes - (here comes the epiphany) I realized that it's because I had no expectations at all, no sense of what my experience should or shouldn't be today. And so, no matter what happened, I ended up enjoying my day, simply because I was being allowed to have the experience at all And then I realized that if I can do this in my every day life, trying not to let the routine become routine (if you know what I mean), or something that I feel entitled to, then maybe I can make every day as joyful and fun as this one has been for me.

This has been a pretty revolutionary epiphany. I am now so glad I didn't plan anything because if the whole trip is as crazy and extraordinary as the past two days have been (well, and, even if it isn't), then I really couldn't ask for anything more.

Okay, signing off now - gotta watch America's Next Top Model with my roomies - who, by the way, oddly, are very connected to the comedy and improv scene here. I couldn't have planned this better if I had tried ;)

Come to Candy Mountain With Me!

Trust me, you'll love it.....
(for more check out www.filmcow.com)

Playground Perils

On a recent trip to Rosthern, Saskatchewan
my brother Mike discovered that
playgrounds are not
a thing to be played with.....

MMM MMM Good....

I stumbled upon this on a site somewhere and just couldn't resist posting it. Apparently it won some sort of State Fair award.The best part is that even with all the cutting and chopping required, it actually insists that it requires 0:00 minutes to prepare.
SPAM VEGGIE PITA POCKETS
Serving Size : 8
Preparation Time 0:00
Categories : Sandwiches

Amount Measure Ingredient
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed -(7 oz)
1 c Chopped broccoli
1 c Chopped cauliflower
1 Tomato, chopped
1 Carrot, peeled and chopped
1/3 c Chopped cucumber
1/3 c Finely chopped onion
1/2 c Italian salad dressing
4 Pita pocket breads, halved

Preparation Method
In bowl, combine SPAM, broccoli, cauliflower, tomato, carrot, cucumber, and onion. Toss with dressing. Cover and chill several hours. Spoon salad mixture into pocket bread.
STATE FAIR RECIPE Carol Green, Austin, MN.

MMMM.....enjoy.....

I bloody made it!

Whew - for all those who survived my April 3rd post, things have finally turned around. I worked day and night finishing my floor and it now looks uber-spiffy - I was able to enjoy it for approximately 12.3 nanoseconds before I was out the door and on the highway south.

I packed my car with essentials for the 3 and 1/2 day drive, as well as all the gear I would need for 5 months 'Outside'. Food: sandwich essentials, licorice, olympic trail mix (which was my sustenance for 90% of the trip) and oodles of Dite Coke (with an IV attached); Clothing: swimsuit, fleece, workout gear, various standard shirts and pants, and twenty million pairs of shoes (no I don't know why - it appears my shoe obsession has resurfaced); Other personality-defining must-haves: books I want to finish, knitting projects I want to finish, bike, computer, dog....and of course, my PS2 and Guitar Hero (yes I really did this).

The drive itself was beautiful - though mind-numbingly long. My mom and I viewed wildlife (elk, moose, buffalo, and - on the prairies- an unfortunate number of roadkilled deer), and narrowly missed a real rockslide (okay not narrowly, but we were there watching guys try to roll the giant boulders off the highway by hand until actual machinery arrived). We also passed an inordinate number of RCMP trolling the highway for speeders. We were finger-waggled at once by one such patrolman.

We had no trouble at all finding places to stay that would allow the dog, though the last place - a motel in Lloydminster - was a bit sketchy and I half expected to wake up to giant cockroaches trying to wiggle their way into my mouth. To make matters better at this place, the last thing I literally saw before switching off the lights for the night was an appropriately creepy trailer for some new slasher movie called, yep, 'Motel'....

I am now safe and sound in Saskatoon, hiding out at my parents' place and pondering what I will learn about myself over the next few months. For all 1 and a half of you that may be reading this, stay tuned - I am sure some incredible insights are in store....

#@$#&&^#*!

Is it wise to be posting a blog entry when my stress level is so high that I want to run screaming down the Alaska Highway, sans vehicle, just me, running, clothed if I'm lucky.....sure to be picked up by nearby patrol cars if I'm not....?

My departure date was, well, today; and I'm still in #&^%(# Whitehorse....nothing I planned to have finished is finished - which is a deep and probably not well-learned lesson in project planning - and everything that could go wrong is definitely going wrong!

If you can believe this - I've been working on my floor - oh yes, I thought, my super housesitters deserve a home that is not covered in carpet that in turn is covered in dog hair and the remnants of various 'pet fluid emergencies' throughout the last five years. Yes, I am a truly thoughtful and compassionate human being, you say....

I've been working on my floor for weeks now and was supposed to be done before my mom arrived to help me clean and pack so we could drive into the sunset in a relaxed and semi-controlled manner. Well, she's been here for four days and we are still working on the freakin' floor...

Mainly because on Saturday every job we attempted took four hours longer than anticipated as we tried to figure out things like jig saws, skill saws, hidden hook shelving, and whatever the hell else we were trying to do.

Then we both got sick on Sunday morning at exactly the same time with the same weird flu virus. It took us both to our knees and actually to the hospital...my mom was so weak she needed an IV, I was so weak I needed a friend to help get us there. We thought we were dying - we stumbled into the foyer crying ' we don't know what we have, it might be Norwalk', causing the concierge to jump to his feet and backwards all in the same motion. 'Masks are there' he pointed from 2 km away....we could still see the whites of his 'oh my god I'm going to die'-panicked eyes.

We put on the masks and stumbled to admissions - the clerk warned everyone to stay back as we fumbled for ID....we got her in to emergency and they shut and locked the doors behind us. We sat in a glass admitting area where everyone outside could stare and whisper as they wondered what sort of plague we had brought to their safe little worlds.

When they finally wheeled my mother into room number three, I proceeded to lie on the hallway floor and moan while I waited. Dr. McDreamynorth shooed me out (with a great bedside manner mind you) and my kind friend took me home to wait as my mom rehydrated...she was also kind enough to pick her up, as I was 'otherwise engaged' when the call came in....

Monday went over a little better - more work done, a little bit of relief, that sense that my chest would explode subsiding....then....I lost my wallet....ah yes, the piece de resistance....I lost it but didn't realize I lost it until today...

Today was spent trying to reclaim all the pieces of my identity - first by retracing my steps - vet clinic, gym, Home Hardware, Super A.....nothing....second by calling CKRW and subjugating myself to the local DJ for the opportunity to get on the air with my sad story. Immediately after it aired I got a call that someone had found it. 'It's at Better Bodies' they said. Whew! Peace and harmony restored, I drove down to pick it up. 'We don't know what you're talking about' they said. We don't have it. What the *&$(*$^%&@%^???

The original caller called me back - apparently it was the wrong pink wallet with flowers on it...my identity....lost forever....I then spent the rest of my day re-ordering credit cards and driver's license, and trying to trick the Equifax automated system into letting me talk to a real person.

Sigh....new departure date - Thursday April 5th...barring oh I don't know, fire or flood or &*($^^$ locusts....

Well, now I feel slightly better - at least I am still clothed and not in a patrol car with mud in my hair....but.....now..... how do you feel?

Mike's Top 20

Things to see and do in Saskatchewan....

According to Lonely Planet, Fyodor's, and Go; about all you can do in Saskatchewan is drive a dusty road to take a picture of some aging Ukrainian church or another. Somewhere around 10 pages of 'Lonely Planet: Canada' are devoted to Saskatchewan (read Saskatoon and Regina) - listing helpful things like 'go to a movie, go to the science centre' - yay! After perusing a few of these books, I was beginning to become slightly disheartened about my choice of destinations for the summer. Christ, we can't even claim the 'Vegreville Egg' as our own! (http://www.albertabigtour.ca/vegreville's_egg!.htm )

Damn those Albertans!

Sigh, will anyone ever look beyond the surface to see who we really are?
OOOOOOOOhhhhh Nooooooo ( read with a sarcastic whine)...... instead they're sitting in their posh [insert posh city here] doggie cafes telling jokes like this one:

1) How do you know when you're staying in a Moose Jaw hotel?

When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

Well, yes, I'll admit I tittered a bit upon reading that one.....being from the 'big city' and all. I will also admit that outside of the 'strip' - the 278 km section of highway 11 south that connects Regina and Saskatoon - I am guilty of not having a single clue about the beauty, majesty, and excitement contained beneath the flat, monotone exterior of my dear home province's wheatfields (and canola, rye, mustard, and flax).

Well, I need raise my fist in the air no more at this dilemma! DYNO-MIKE has come to my rescue! 'Faster than the line-up at Canadian Tire'! Stronger than the average groudn squirrel! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! (caveat: in the Yukon only).....sigh....you're my hero DYNO-MIKE.

For the next five months I now officially have a great list of things to see and do!
Just look at everything that coy little school marm of a province actually has to offer!

Mike's top 10 Saskatchewan

10. Feeling a sense of the past at Motherwell Homestead

9. Buying ice cream in Waskesiu

8. Watching a thunderstorm from your garage

7. Cycling the Meewasin Trail

6. Barking with the prairie dogs at Grasslands National Park

5. Having breakfast at Taunte Maria's

4. Driving the Qu'Appelle valley at sunset

3. Eating mushroom cheddar chowder at the Berry Barn

2. Running in the Great Sand Hills
http://www.virtualsk.com/current_issue/sand_wind_time.html

1. Screaming along to 'Green is the Colour' at Taylor Field on Labour Day

Top 10 Saskatchewan Mike hasn't yet visited but wants to

10. Touring the small town of Rouleau (aka Dog River on Corner Gas)

9. Visiting the new RCMP Training Centre in Regina ($40 million to build; opens end of May)

8. Exploring the Tunnels of Moose Jaw
7. Kayaking the Clearwater River

6. Watersliding at Kenosee (www.kenoseesuperslides.com/)

5. Camping in Meadow Lakes Provincial Park

4. Seeing Hunt Falls

3. Playing in the World Championship Bunnock Tournament(www.macklin.ca/bunnock.htm)

2. Afternoon tea and an evening play at a converted train station (www.stationarts.com/)

1. Finally seeing Stanley Mission

And let's make it 21 Mike - I do need to check out that hotel in Moose Jaw.....

One Week Out....

I've been training for a year! All of my hard work - my blood, sweat, and tears, will culminate in a beautiful moment in just 7 days time. Yes, the rest of our normally jubilant little town may be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome brought on by the onslaught of the 2007 Canada Winter Games; but me, I'm still a week out from the event that will mark a monumental no-turning back kind of shift in my life.

Whereas all those wonderful orange-coated volunteers are now lying in veteran hospitals taking lithium due to the aftershocks of an event so large, so monumental, yet so.....uneventful.....I am happily wiping the droppings of the bluebird of happiness off my shoulder. (give her some slack - she's still a beast of the wilderness you know).

Ah yes, my epic journey, finally looming large at the doorway of my future.

In one week's time I will hit the open road; just me, my dog, and um, my mom, in my Honda Civic. Pointed south for open skies and warmer climes. I have quit my job, rented my place, explained thoroughly (and several times) to my cats the reason I am abandoning them for five months; I've paid off all my debts, ripped out all my carpets, painted, and almost finished putting in lovely new floors upstairs in preparation for the big event.

Why am I doing this you ask? Or maybe you don't, but you ARE reading this so suck it up baby..........um, anyway, again, what is this all about? Well, I have decided to test the waters of pure joyful unemployed existence. For five months I will be roaming Saskatchewan, couch surfing where possible, selling Jone's body for food and shelter where not....

It has been ten years since I traveled anywhere of note, and 11 years since moving to this lovely territory. It's time to shake things up. To be at a dinner party and experiment with how I will answer when people ask 'So what do you do?' I remember this fellow telling me once that it would be so much more meaningful if people would ask 'So who ARE you?' That never happens at dinner parties, and possibly not a lot in most people's day-to-day lives anymore. So I'm takin' it to the street to see what happens. Who AM I, really? What is it that brings me joy, that makes me feel confident and proud to walk in the world? What allows me to just BE?

So you may wonder why Saskatchewan....well, it is like my life is coming full circle. I ran from the flatlands 11 years ago, thinking that I could never get as far away from them as I wanted to. Now, after many years of reflecting, I realize it is time to go home - just for a little while - to reconnect with the roots of my 'self', to know part of who I am by discovering and loving where I came from.

So - take that CWG! I'll continue to wear my orange proudly, I'm even taking it with me; and I'll be thinking of you when the ads come out - 1800 athletes, 2000 coaches, 4000 volunteers, and 18,000 IV bags required to rehydrate them all on March 11th....but I'll tell ya, my countdown trumps yours any day of the week!

.....and 9:30 in NewfoundLand

It seems my blogging enthusiasm was cut to the quick what with the planning and execution of a recent trip to Newfoundland.

At the moment it is 7:19 am and I am sitting at the business centre in the Fairmont Vancouver Airport. I've been awake long enough to enjoy a leisurely breakfast while watching the sun rise over the majestic sight of the Air Canada jet fleet resting quietly on the tarmac - each giant machine breathing expectantly, waiting for the heroic call to courier a large number of unidentified human forms to London, Paris, Rome, or Dildo, Newfoundland. Okay - so I am tired and this is becoming more than an eccentricly worded entry; it is fast descending toward bizarre and eye-brow raising monologue....

So I will stop for the moment and return to this when I can actually see my fingers on the keyboard because my eyelids will actually no longer be draped over them...

I have many small but captivating stories to tell about the newest province of Canada that ironically is the keeper of its oldest immigrant history....more to come, gentle readers; more to come - just give me that extra half hour to adjust to the daylight would you....

I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK

I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
I WILL NOT BLOG AT WORK
okay.....maybe I will.....