The other day I realized something very significant about myself. I was telling a story to some folks about my childhood days and realized that I may not actually be a thirty-something woman after all. Wow - this could explain every possible issue I've ever had in my life! Physically, I am a thirty-something woman. Literally and figuratively too - if that is possible. Everyone I know in the universe would swear up and down on a road map of the Cassier highway that I am....BUT.....but.....
Here's the story I was telling: When I was about nine or ten, my dad was a dungeonmaster. Oh yah - BIG into the role playing. One day in the mid-80's he brought home the 'Dungeonmaster's guide', and we didn't see him for three weeks after that. He was in a dark damp corner of the basement; chuckling evilly to himself as he plotted out world after world, drew map after map of D&D hell for the whole family to enjoy.
I played with him and my uncles every chance I got. I was a wizard. I never died. hmmmm.....slight bit of nepotism there possibly....I stayed up late into the night helping him to paint his die-cut lead figurines. There were ogres, cyclops, werewolves, elves, muscle-bound hero warriors...my favorite was the dragon he let me paint red. It had green eyes and silver wings. I can vividly recall - almost feel with the tips of my fingers - the detailing of the scales running down the neck and along the body to the long snaking tail....
As I was telling this story, it led me to thinking....I did a lot of things with my dad - again when I was about nine, I went with him almost every day as he was building our new house. I helped him to nail down the plywood boards that would support whatever carpet or hideous linoleum was destined to be the decor of the day on the main floor. I held the ladder while he climbed from those plywood boards down into the giant dirt hole that would eventually be our basement. I spent hours waiting excitedly just to tie a yellow rope around a hammer or a screwdriver and lower it down to him as soon as he should call for it.
Once the house was built, we spent our time watching movies in the new basement. I think I was scarred for life - destined never to be 'girlie' again, if I ever was - watching the like of 'Amazon Women on the Moon', 'Barbarella', 'Johnny Dangerously', 'Kentucky Fried Movie', and my hands-down fave 'Rock and Roll High School' (hey - there was no such thing as 'parental guidance' or good judgement in the 80's, okay?) with him and my brother long into the night. (geez - where was my mother during all this?)
Anyway, this was all flashing through my mind as I proceeded with my story to the 'folks' mentioned earlier. I then volunteered that I think I am a closet-goth - I like punk music (ummmm, the Ramones, hello...) and goth-style clothing, but you'd never know it from looking at me - AND, finally, the topper; that I actually still frequent and love movies such as 'Accepted' and 'Beerfest'.
So now the 'folks' are watching me intently. My eyebrows furrow deeply and a 'thinking frown' is spreading across my face. Brain working.....working.....working....attempting to process what all of this information, finally spewed out of my memory in one continuous stream of consciousness, could possibly be pointing to. I mean okay - I had barbies and an easy-bake oven, and I made a mean strawberry pie with that .035watt bulb, but.....BUT.....
So okay I am definitely still a thirty-something woman, and loving every perk that comes with it; but somewhere along the way I somehow managed to adopt the heart and soul of a 15-year old boy.....yep, that's my conclusion. At the very heart of it all, I AM a teenage boy. Now that I know that dark truth, I can get on with my life and not feel guilty about my strange compulsion to play 'Guitar Hero' with my friend's husband into the wee hours of the night rather than talk randomly with my female friends about babies and wall colors.
Well, I guess if that's the price I pay for being able to cherish those memories of my dad; I'd do it all again in a nanosecond. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe my Intellivision may be calling my name....anyone for a game of e-D&D?
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